(31) My 90 Day Challenge Flop

Something interesting happened to me this past week. A friend of mine is starting a 90 day challenge to get into shape through dieting, supplementing, and exercise. I was invited to join in. I already know from past experience that dieting doesn't work for me. When I put restrictions and limitations on the food I can or cannot eat, I will inevitably end up binging. I already exercise regularly so I wasn't worried about that part of the challenge. Because of the big response from other people to the challenge, I wondered if maybe I was doing something wrong with 0-5 eating. Sadly this is a problem for me it seems, second guessing myself as far as 0-5 eating goes. I often find myself wondering if I'm really doing enough because 0-5 eating is so simple and feels really good. I decided to try my own modified version of the 90 day challenge. I figured I'd monitor my eating for 90 days and try to eat mostly healthy foods. That's it, all I was going to change for 90 days was to monitor my eating and try to eat more healthy. Now if I would've taken the time to really think about it, I'd have realized that I already eat this way, for the most part, without having to try because this is what my body wants and what makes my body feel good.
The first day of my 90 day challenge went really well. I measured my body. I don't own a scale and measuring has been my only way of monitoring my body size for many years now. I hadn't measured since last August and was happy to see that I'm pretty much at my average measurements already. I ate my regular 0-5 way but made sure not to eat what the dieting world considers "bad food". The second day, much to my surprise and dismay, I totally binged! And the third day I binged again! The fourth day, I gave up on my 90 day challenge.
I realized, yet again, that even the idea of monitoring my eating and weight loss will send me right back into the old diet mode that used to give me such grief and misery. I just can't live like that...I wont. I refuse to turn against my own body. Eating healthy and feeling good doesn't have to be a struggle or a fight. With 0-5 eating it happens all by itself...naturally. I know that certain foods will make my body feel just gross, but in diet mode I'll eat them anyway, binge on them, knowing that I'll feel terrible afterward and that my inner dialogue to myself will be downright abusive.
I have learned to love my body unconditionally. I've learned to listen to what my body wants and doesn't want to eat. Over time the forbidden foods lose their appeal. Healthy foods start tasting better and better and my body feels good after eating them so I want them more and more.
I absolutely love the freedom of 0-5 eating. I love that I can eat a couple pieces of chocolate or a few bites of cake and that's all I want. Any more would make me feel yucky. I love that I can look into a mirror and see the beauty within myself. I'm not a super model, but I don't need to be. And honestly, if I were to look like that, would I be intimidating to most people? Would I always be looking for attention from other men...and women? Would I worry about every single bite of food that I put into my mouth and if it would make me fat or not? I don't want a life like that. I want to be a good mother, and an amazing wife to my husband. I want to be a good daughter, grand-daughter, aunty, and friend. Having a perfect, flawless body wont make me any of these. Being in good shape feels good and this is my life long goal. To love me for me. To love my body exactly the way that it is at any given time. I want to live my whole life eating in such a way that I feel good inside...not yucky. I want to be in good shape because it just plain feels good. Living and eating 0-5 works for me and I love this lifestyle!

P.S. To my friend who has put together the 90 day challenge, I think its amazing what you're doing and how many people you're helping! It's awesome!! I love seeing how many people want to get in shape.
P.S.S. And To everyone who loves the challenge of a "90 day challenge", Do It! Love every second of it and be happy! I'm so excited for you and for how you're changing your lives and I wish you all the best! :)